Okay so I've been a bit bored as of late, and frankly a little depressed. Ever since I took my blog down there's been a plethora of Celebrity Bloggers popping up. So I am left to wonder... Why did I take the Bubblegum Meltdown blog down?

I could have been somebody, I could have been a contender.

I'm a little jealous and quite frankly put out that they didn't have these "awards" and "titles" when I was blogging. Perhaps they were there but I simply wasn't paying attention.... I was busy masturbating no doubt.

So. I am going to try to get back in the swing of things. I am going to try a "come back." I mean, hell it worked for Flava Flave, Bobby Brown, even Mariah Cary. Hey, didn't George Hamilton have a come back too?

Fuck who knows. Okay. So after careful studying of a good handful of "celebrity bloggers" I have been able to establish a "format" that i think will work for me. I have copied this format and hope that it will toss me haphazardly into Celebrity Blogger status... and then I will get your votes.

ABOUT ME

Here is me in my studio. I do all of my best work here. Often times, things get messy and I have to clean it up but as you can see, today it's just moderately dirty. You should have seen it last week, if you vote for me and maybe do a little ass kissing... I'll show you those pictures.

FRIENDS & CELEB FRIENDS

Every celebrity blogger has a picture of them with some wayward quasi-star I have never heard of... or a plethora of friends that nobody really gives two shits about.... that they feel they have to tell the world about for some reason.

So I am going to post mine.

Here is a picture of my good Jew friend, Jon Stewart, and his upside down and backwards hairy man nipple.
(He's jewish so he doesn't really tan).

This picture was snapped at Gary Colemans coming out party. It was silly. I got so drunk I puked in Jessica Simpsons make-up bag. I blamed it on Nicki Hilton and asked Mike Rowe to clean it up for me.

Here is another good friend of mine, Dirty Sanchez. He doesn't say much. Feel free to stop by and say hello.... What a lucky stiff... look at that view of the sani-can.

Another good friend of mine, and her ass. I think this is a good celebrity shot. She is the Brittney Spears to my Paris Hilton (only sans beaver shot). I get to spank it sometimes.

MY STUFF IS SO FUCKING COOL

Celebrity bloggers also get to post their paintings and works of art on their blogsites and people buy the shit or compliment them even when it sucks. So i expect ass-kissing compliments or I will make my blog private and not invite you.

This is a painting I did for charity. I think it's one of my best. I will take bids on it starting at $1.50 US currency only please.

I don't want to hear about how the color scheme is off. I meant to do that you fucking faggots.


Here are the contents of my refrigerator.... Notice the celebrity-type food items? Yes, I try and keep my ice box packed with the best of the best in haute cuisine... The Perrier is in the back even though people tell me that's passe'. If it's so passe' then why did you pass up my IPA for the shit?


And that's really fatty whole milk because I don't fuck around with my dairy products. I don't eat tofu... I am a carnivore that cannot live without red meat in one of my crevices at least ONCE a week. And that could potentially make me larger than life.

ME AGAIN

Here's another picture of me because I find celebrity bloggers to be narcissitic bitches that enjoy looking at themselves or showing off their underwear.

I am naked under that and I have the hottest body ever. You know you wish you could see it but you can't. All you've got is this picture to let your mind imagine how good it could be for your hands to run over my tight curves, soft supple body...

Smooth legs....
Unkept hair....
Cleanly shaven pubic regions.

Come and get it fuckers...

MORE OF MY STUFF

These next two pictures are random artistic shots that I find celebrity bloggers depend on so their friends and readers will ask good questions that will prompt another post and keep them interested. Normally, I rely on wit and suspense when I write but apparently that's not what gets your vote so I'm going for this angle:

This is a shot of my bathroom shelf. If you can name all the items verbatim I might send one of these to you autographed and used.

The tongs I use to circumsize small children and animals. And the bowl next to it is celebrity style trail mix tainted with ludes so they'll stay still until I'm finished.

This is my bass guitar. I play it often. When I need to wax the strings I rub the neck between my legs until they get nice and slippery. It's the only way I can do a true mechanical slide with a piece of equipment...

And here is my back scratcher that doubles as a spanking tool. I posed with it so you can see how sexy it makes me look. That's celebrity-type hotness you fags. Bow down.

All of the things above are for sale on my "Yard Sale" blog called "Everybody thinks my shit is cool but it's all crap really." Be sure to check it out. You may have to pay postage until I get cool enough to afford sending overseas.

MY TITS

So whats the common denominator for being a celebrity blogger. Well apparently it's tits. That's right. All kinds of tits. Big tits, little tits, round tits, flat tits. Yep. In fact, if you don't snap at least ONE picture of your boobs and publish it, there's no way anybody will even visit your blog!


I bet you didn't know that?
Well, it took a lot of research and shitty drama type comments to pick through before I decided that I should absolutely go ahead an thwart shyness and show my "Boys" so I can make the grade.


My ultimate goal is that somebody will put a shitty comment up here about how terrible and old they look so we can have some really great blog drama like the celebrities do!!!