I've been keeping a secret from all of you, and I'm terribly sorry. I've debated over the last few weeks whether to come clean about who I am and what I've done - but just now finally found the "balls" to step up and admit it to you.
Four weeks ago (almost to the day) I got in an altercation with a man I was dating, and we decided to call it quits... Without going into specifics about what the fight was about, or the terrible things we said to each other... I will just summarize it as volatile.
Soon after that I was admitted to Highline West Seattle Mental Health Clinic. Feel free to check out the digs by following this link.
My therapist promised a 2 week stay with some brief follow up sessions, but it appears instead my stay will be lengthy (at best) and followed up with some Jail time at the Monroe Womens Correctional Facility.
I am so sorry my good friends. So sorry. But you realize we all make terrible mistakes in life, and my mistakes it seems are far too extreme... So maybe it's for the best that I am in a safe place in mind and body. But believe me, I wish I could take those decisions back - all of them.
You see, I can't though. I can't take back the way it felt when I drove that filet knife through the back of his shoulder blade as he turned to open the door. I can't take back the rage I felt when he said "oh, so what?!?!? You're psycho now too?!?!?" I can't take back how great it felt to watch his skin rip apart when I pulled that filet knife out and rammed it into his rib-cage as he turned around to take that swing at me. Or how I smiled as he spit blood and hit the floor, unable to catch his very last of breaths.
The feeling was power. It was adrenaline. It was pure love.
So I continued as he lay - gurgling and dying there on his precious hardwoods... Stabbing over and over again. In the joints of his legs, his genital area, his face, his neck. And his green eyes eclipsed death as he stared up at me in lethargy... the first time he ever sighed a genuine breath was his last.
Now understand this... I cared very much about him. Indeed I did. So much that I took extreme care to wash him of his wounds, re-dress him as best I could, and sit him in front of his computer as I cleaned the aftermath of the gore bath with clorox and SOS. I left a note for his maid to give her a few weeks off, and wrote an email to his friends and his clients to let them know not to worry about him as he traveled abroad. I kissed his soft ear as I strapped him in the passengers seat of my car and hit I-90 in the car pool lane.
I guess, in hindsight, if I had stopped there, I wouldn't be serving additional time in Monroe. Maybe it'd be a short stint in KCJ or a committed sentence here at the Hospital - but no, I had to push things. I had no idea that transport of a dead body and dismemberment with intent to conceal would really be an issue. I figured, his family would thank me for saving them the funeral expenses... I mean, hell, I sent them a fine map that would clearly show them the 172 places to find "him" - I spent a lot of time on that map!! And I hardly know Spokane for fuckssake! That took a lot of skill!
So yeah, that was wrong. Don't try to help the family with shit like that. They don't appreciate it. Anyway....
Being that as it may, I've made a plea deal with State and decided to come clean on the dozens of others I've done the same to (without the damn map). That' right, I'm a cold blooded killer... and it's time to hang up my meat hook and spend some down time re-inventing myself and finding God.
I hope that, even though I've told you all of this you still support me the best you can. And that you are all thankful that our relationship has been nothing more than internet fun. I also want you all to know that If I'd had the opportunity to really meet you in person, that it's most likely I would have killed you for pleasure or sport. Again, I hope you can rest easy knowing that I won't show up at your back window...
Thank you all for being you. I wish you all nothing but the best in the future.
xxxooo,
EN
