Dear Emma. Love, Shawn

EDIT: Thank you for that wonderful letter you posted Shawn. I have read your article on how to avoid being attracted to jerks, players, and just plain dangerously wrong guys.

And then I posted my response to it in pink below. Enjoy.

Dumbass.

“The "Secret Reason" Why Women Are Attracted To Jerks, Players and Just Plain Dangerously Wrong Guys.” (An open letter to single women frustrated with dating the wrong guys)

Monday, April 02, 2007

Hey Girlfriend,Can I ask you something personal?

Sure.

Be honest...Have you ever dated the type of guy that left you constantly waiting by the phone with an uneasy sick feeling in the pit of your stomach?

Yes, several. But I didn't date them all... I thought it was just a guy thing to forget what a phone was... or who you were... so no biggie. Isn't that genetics?

Or a guy who made you feel bad about yourself, but for some reason you couldn’t leave him? (Of course, that same guy, at times, also made you feel like you were the only person on this planet - you know, that “hot-cold” type).

Yes. That would be marriage... welcome to it.

And have you ever walked into a club and found yourself so attracted to one particular guy, you felt like you were in a trance and literally couldn't stop making eyes with him?

Yes. Because I knew I was going to get a chance to try to fuck him. I call it focus and knowing what I want.

If you answered yes to any of the above, it may be a sign that you’re susceptible to a certain “dangerous personality type” that psychiatrists have a SCARY sounding name for, which I'll tell you about in a sec...

ooooooooooo SCARY. I think her caps locks was stuck.

...But first, I want you to quickly read through the following list of personality traits and jot down the ones that apply to either the guy you’re dating now or guys you’ve typically dated in the past:

Oh, alright. I bet I could you could nail them right on the head... every one.

PERSONALITY TRAITS

1. SUPERFICIAL CHARM -- the tendency to be smooth, engaging, charming, and slick. Not in the least shy, self-conscious, or afraid to say anything. He never gets tongue-tied and has freed himself from the social conventions about taking turns in talking, for example.

So he's a word fuck champ and talks during sex. He can talk himself out of trouble... thats terrible. Sounds like something they call "charisma".

2. GRANDIOSE SELF-WORTH -- a grossly inflated view of one's abilities and self-worth, self-assured, opinionated, cocky, a braggart. An arrogant guy who believes he is a superior human being.

Hmmm arrogance is bliss, I like a good sparring sometimes.... Superiority complex... means room service and a great piece of arm candy.. No?

3. NEED FOR STIMULATION (PRONENESS TO BOREDOM) -- an excessive need for novel, thrilling, and exciting stimulation; taking chances and doing things that are risky. Often has low self-discipline in carrying tasks through to completion because he gets bored easily.

Adventure driven thrill seeker seeks partner in crime that doesn't live to dream but dreams to live because everybody else is a pussy and doesn't want to go to jail.

So I need a librarian instead... that likes sitcoms.

4. PATHOLOGICAL LYING -- can be moderate or high; in moderate form, and will be shrewd, crafty, cunning, sly, and clever (in extreme form, he will be deceptive, deceitful, underhanded, unscrupulous, manipulative, and dishonest).

See, all of those descriptives made my nipples hard. Really, are we playing dream date? Pathological liars are the ones that don't fuck up... or do.. and you'd never guess.

5. CONNING AND MANIPULATIVENESS -- the use of deceit and deception to cheat, con, or defraud others for personal gain; distinguished from Item #4 in the degree to which exploitation and callous ruthlessness is present, as reflected in a lack of concern for the feelings and suffering of one's victims.

Well okay... Uh. So that cuts out a good 92% of men. Which leaves babies and mancubs. And Librarians.

6. LACK OF REMORSE OR GUILT -- a lack of feelings or concern for the losses, pain, and suffering of victims; a tendency to be unconcerned, dispassionate, coldhearted, and unempathic. This item is usually demonstrated by a disdain for one's victims.

Good. Then when we're dumping the body I'll know his priority is to ditch the car and head for the border... And he'll never talk about it... ever.

7. SHALLOW AFFECT -- emotional poverty or a limited range or depth of feelings; interpersonal coldness in spite of signs of open gregariousness.

Good. No attachment issue. Friends with benefits and good partners that don't get distracted with idle relationship bullshit. Perfect. I'm down that road already, just looking for a ride.

8. CALLOUSNESS and LACK OF EMPATHY -- a lack of feelings toward people in general; cold, contemptuous, inconsiderate, and tactless.

*see lack of remorse or guilt

9. PARASITIC LIFESTYLE -- an intentional, manipulative, selfish, and exploitative financial dependence on others as reflected in a lack of motivation, low self-discipline, and inability to begin or complete responsibilities.

What are responsibilities? I don't understand the definition. And if this were something that us girls were supposed to look out for then... We shouldn't be talking to any of you.

10. POOR BEHAVIORAL CONTROLS -- expressions of irritability, annoyance, impatience, threats, aggression, and verbal abuse; inadequate control of anger and temper; acting hastily.

I love tourettes. And I love epilepsy. Combine the two and you have one hell of a night between the sheets. If he can spank and let me get my 20 minutes on top I could care if he has a spaz attach and calls me spook.... Moving on.

11. PROMISCUOUS SEXUAL BEHAVIOR -- a variety of brief, superficial relations, numerous affairs, and an indiscriminate selection of sexual partners; the maintenance of several relationships at the same time; a history of attempts to sexually coerce others into sexual activity or taking great pride at discussing sexual exploits or conquests.

So I should be a hypocrite? Now Now... It's every man for himself and we're all animals by nature so as long as we play well with others... Does anybody else see #11 as a tremendous asset but me?

12. LACK OF REALISTIC, LONG-TERM GOALS -- an inability or persistent failure to develop and execute long-term plans and goals; a nomadic existence, aimless, lacking direction in life.

Carpe Diem... Living for the moment. If you have aim, you have bills. Direction is boring.. It's the not knowing that makes the journey memorable and a challenge.

13. IMPULSIVITY -- the occurrence of behaviors that are unpremeditated and lack reflection or planning; inability to resist temptation, frustrations, and urges; a lack of deliberation without considering the consequences; foolhardy, rash, unpredictable, erratic, and reckless.

Again. Carpe Diem. Spontaneous sex is the best sex ever. EVER. And can I just say that if I were to poo-poo any of this so far... I'd be one lonely bitch.

14. IRRESPONSIBILITY -- repeated failure to fulfill or honor obligations and commitments; such as not paying bills, defaulting on loans, performing sloppy work, being absent or late to work, failing to honor contractual agreements.

I like sloppy. Not big on commitments. If we're nomads we don't have loans. If we're reckless we don't have work or bills or contracts. If we're heartless we're just going to kill the bastards anyway so what's the big deal? And besides, he's busy being impulsive and heartless. And I think we covered responsibility a few numbers back. This bitch can talk!

15. FAILURE TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR OWN ACTIONS -- a failure to accept responsibility for one's actions reflected in low conscientiousness, an absence of dutifulness, antagonistic manipulation, denial of responsibility, and an effort to manipulate others through this denial.

Covered this already.
16. MANY SHORT-TERM RELATIONSHIPS -- a lack of commitment to a long-term relationship reflected in inconsistent, undependable, and unreliable commitments in life, including marital.

Covered this already.

17. JUVENILE DELINQUENCY -- behavior problems between the ages of 13-18; mostly behaviors that are crimes or clearly involve aspects of antagonism, exploitation, aggression, manipulation, or a callous, ruthless tough-mindedness.

Yes. I love it. Gimme a man with a record for congecal visits... you fuckers ever had one of those? It's extra special if you can pass him his care package in the exchange. I can teach you how to do that for $29.99.

18. CRIMINAL VERSATILITY -- A diversity of types of criminal offenses (regardless if the person has been arrested or convicted for them); taking great pride at getting away with crimes.

Some of the best men I've ever known have had #18 with or without the record. They have doctorates and PHd's and are some smart and successful mother fuckers. I like to call Criminal versatility .... "survival".

Do any of these personality traits describe someone you've dated or are dating? If you answered yes, then you may be as surprised as I was to learn that all 18 traits are actually “clinical traits” of a sociopath (Source: Psychopathy Checklist-Revised, PCL-R; Hare,1991, 2003)...

Well there's a shocker. I've been told I'm a sociopath... but I normally have to pay them $400 an hour to tell me that. This fine lady told me for free. Gotta love the internet.

and IF you’ve dated guys with these traits, chances are YOU are attracted to or involved with a SOCIOPATH... yikes!

YIKES!

Now before you freak out too much… I want you to know that you're not alone!

Oh good. I hope there's a support group with slumber party nights.

I too was attracted to these kinds of guys (no wonder my relationships always brought me heartache and pain!)…Turns out there's a BIG difference between a "normal" guy you might date and a sociopath (a sociopath actually has something wrong with their conscience - they either don't have one or it’s severely fragmented).

blah

Sociopaths only care about fulfilling their own needs and desires - selfishness and egocentricity to the extreme. Everything and everybody else is mentally twisted around in their minds as objects to be used in fulfilling their own needs and desires.

blah blah

Not surprisingly, parental failure (usually fatherlessness) is the #1 reason why someone develops a sociopathic personality.Also interesting are the four distinct types of sociopaths (sound like anyone you've dated?):

1) Commons are characterized by their lack of conscience

2) Alienated are characterized by their inability to love or be loved

3) Aggressives are characterized by a consistent sadistic streak
4) Dyssocials are characterized by an inability to abide by normal rules

blah blah blah

I know, I know... I was shocked the first time I read these too.

Really.

Okay, now getting back to MY story...

OH yes please...somebody kill me.


It used to be that when I went out, I'd often find myself attracted to one particular guy (and not necessarily the best looking one in the room) where all we had to do was make eye contact and it was INSTANT SPARKS… almost like some invisible ----

Cut the crap. Yes please.

I emailed a nice letter to kiki@TakeBackYourHeart.com and sent her a link to this blog so she could see my response. Kiki I am sorry I cut out 75% of your nice article but my eyes were bleeding and I became jealous that you've continually gotten dumped by men I should be fucking.

Please send my number along. thank you.