THIS IS GAY!

Just like Bo!!

http://www.procreo.jp/labo/flower_garden.swf

Female bodybuilders will kick my ass

This is hot



And this is too.



And this

Eeewwww!

Maybe it is not such a bad that thing Anna Nicole did not live to 80!

Just for you Biscuit

I was going to save this for her birthday, but a couple of these pictures just couldn't wait. So I decided to give her a little premonition of what's to come on May 5th, 2007. I hope you're ready Emma - It's gonna be a little like this:

Four reasons why I love Everything Nice
- by her friend Shawn-

1. Seeing the obvious in the littlest things.

2. Eating.

3. Definite nature lover.

(5). But most of all I love my bestest friend because... She likes to sit in the bathtub and lick the bubbles off of her nipples.

This short message has been brought to you by the Letter E.

Thank you for your time.

Happy Anal Lube Wednesday!!

TIckle Me Emo

Lets work together to prevent future posts that will completely depress the shit out of this place, such as Johnny's lovely Radio head youtube contribution, or Bostick's Fetus Soup.


http://theemoquiz.com/

Enjoy.
Oh, and so far I have taken it upon myself to bless both Bostick and Johnny Menace with exciting offers and online coupons!

Mondays are for fucking off

Got Milk?



How about A unicorn?


Do you want to punch this guy in his fat head?


Kittens?


Have a happy Monday. I am going to go hit the bong.

Back to the light.... the character's encore

What is left to say.. when this captures it all.. in every sense...... ...even for those who will misread it...

Midgets are freaks Part Deux

Watch this first to get in the mood. There is nothing better than pizza with sausage. Dude.


This is Valgina getting munchkined on.


Here is another shot.


This is emmas other site that she doesnt tell anyone about.

These are two of Emma's models.


This is Carl Spackler with his sister.


This is Shaw. What a fucking pimp.

Here is the link to masked tubby boy ass bangin these hos. wurd.

This is Huneeb. Sorry dude, I have no Idea what you looked like and had to guess


Did I leave anyone out?

Facing forward.... que the spotlights

Midnight has passed... time is up.. only 5 questions in...

Bostick i'm disappointed you didn't want to know my favorite animal.. i thought i was your rose damnit.... well in case your wondering .. its not an ostrich..

Hunee B... no moment question.. no why carl has no chance to get in your pants question.. well actually you probably already have those answered..

Weed.. you were hungry and forgot?

white devil... oh.. yeah.. your dead...


Ok so.. lets take a look at the questions that were sent in... I will be answering these honestly and directly as stated in the post.... I hope to have these answered by Friday night or Saturday for all of you.. carl your question alone will take me a day... Everyone's answer will be emailed to you.. remember you cannot share it with anyone else.. and i'll give each one of you a personal reason not to share... then next week.. i'll begin my questions for the 5 participants to answer.. so lets see the questions

Of course we already know Shane's couresty of shawn......


Shane's question

Johnny -

I hop you will anser this emale. I hav wated for the oportunitie to finallee explane what hapend so long agoh. You dont unterstan that I had to brek it off the ol ladee was geyting nervus about thins.

My qestion is... Dos this song stil reminde you of the time we spent twogethere? I heer it and my hert goes all silly. Just want to knowe if you still kare.

Mix you forevere Johnny.

Shane


Lets just remember who gets to sing Oates part motherfucker... very touchy feely.. i figured as much from shane... which leads to shawn..


Shawn's question

Dear Johnny,

Here is my question.

A few months back you and Emma exchanged emails with each other. I don't know if you knew but she shared some of those with me and then told me she wanted to pursue some sort of connection with you.

Emma's term "connection" can mean anything from general conversation over email to flying down there to spend some extra/extended quality time with you. That is, if you aren't married.

She blames me for screwing up whatever "thing" you had and I don't want to be the fucking bad guy here so I'm going to lay down the gloves and just ask you my question like a human being. Not pissed off, no hard feelings, just my question.

I'm trying to figure out how the hell I word this right so you don't squirm out of it.

After watching you and Emma go back and forth for that last whatever months, and the weirdness of it all when you two first started interacting so long ago plus how strange she got when you disappeared to serve your jail time. I find it highly unlikely that you two aren't a couple, at least plutonically but Emma is pretty convincing that you blow her off. I like to believe her. I bet you can prove me wrong in trusting her. I'm asking you to step up and be a man about this now. I won't react, she doesn't even have to know. I'd prefer she not know because she still thinks there' a glimmer of hope that she could some day get your attention. i don't want to blow that dream for her.

What is the real story behind the Johnny and Emma rumors - start with the beginning and finish with the end (present day) in summary with your feelings and intentions towards my friend.

It can be a short paragraph or a long essay but I demand more than one sentence of explanation or it wont count and I wont answer your question. Please be honest so I can handle things on the home front.

Shawn


*claps...
Now that is a great question shawn... shit thats long... but very detailed.. i see no way to quirm.. and no reason to either.. and yes i will give you a full explanation... very predictable question though.....

One question that suprised me was Valyna's...


Valyna's question

An honest Menace? There is always something I wanted to know and I think you should share. We're all family here, right? (No, that's NOT the question) We may be a little bit inbred thanks to Scummy, but I think we have the right to know some things.

What do you do for a living and by living I mean your employment and job description?

You know that borderlines Carl being able to stalk me.. but it is such in insightful question into who i am... i think i'll allow it... besides you can't share the answer.. another question i hope doesn't get shared is EN's

EN's question

Johnny, After you are done with your last breadcrumb, where will I find you?


something so short and so direct but will take a long explanation... i'll be sure to answer that the best way i can.. which brings us to carl..... Jesus christ carl....


Carl's Question

dear mr. menace,

if you had the opportunity to revamp this country's political system what changes would you make and why?

for example, would you put a cap on campaign fundraising? would you restructure the voting process so we don't have another debacle like we had in 2000 with the "hanging chads" or my favorite- limiting the power and influence of lobbyists? personally, i would like to assasinate all lobbyists but thats just me.

i'm looking forward to your response,

sincerely

Carl Spackler

President/Founder

Johnny Menace Fan Club


damn you carl... ............. no.... really........ damn you.... ......... really....... ... really.. politics........ what happend to non sexual man crush or... or ... or thumbs in the ass............ ... jesus carl...... lobbying.... are you fucking kidding me.................. ok... fine....... but i really think this is something in shawn's wheelhouse.. but regardless i'll get you an honest answer.... and why aren't you out promoting T-shirt sales for me?....

Ok so again i hope to get everyone's answers to them over the Easter Weekend... for those of you who didn't email me... sorry... and for those of you who were able to give a little trust by emailing me a question... you won't be disappointed.. in fact i think you'll enjoy it.....

Midgets are freaks Part 1

This is Mesh sitting on his lovers lap
This is me.
This is menace.
This is Shane. Looks like the fucker for real.
This is Tumbleweed.I will get to the rest of you all in the next series.

Shanes Question - Unplugged

I received an email yesterday from Shane. He has a question for Johnny Menace but didn't know how to properly ask it - and by properly I mean in correct english.

I asked Shane to email it to me so I could make corrections for him and then he could send it. This is the email Shane sent to me... He didn't want me to show anybody, but, I felt like maybe if we knew what a sensitive guy Scumbag was - we would understand his anger issue a little better.

Sorry Shane, I hope you can forgive me. Menace, there's really no need to post Scumbags question now. In fact, keep the answer as private as possible as well. I've been throwing up in my mouth all morning.

Johnny -

I hop you will anser this emale. I hav wated for the oportunitie to finallee explane what hapend so long agoh. You dont unterstan that I had to brek it off the ol ladee was geyting nervus about thins.

My qestion is... Dos this song stil reminde you of the time we spent twogethere? I heer it and my hert goes all silly. Just want to knowe if you still kare.

Mix you forevere Johnny.

Shane

Let's all give it up for Shane people. *claps* Takes a real man to email a man about being in love with a man I guess. He gets MAD props.

Straight forward..... for the moment

After some heavy thought... and with these past few posts... i think its time i take a step into the light for everyone... and resolve any unanswered questions that have been lingering...

You can each email me one question that i will answer honestly and directly... Now to be fair to everyone.. i will warn you now.. when you email your question like for example *coughsshane

Dear Menace,

Are you a fag?

don't make it tempting for me twist it into something like.. "no i'm not a cigeratte".. ... or like... carl when you ask me

Dear Mr. Menace,

Do you love me enough to let me stalk you?

again tempting to twist that... need to eleborate... feel free to write a paragraph if you need to explain your question... lets be detailed on these questions if you can.. so i know what it is i need to answer for you... i will post your questions so everyone can see what you ask.. and in return i will ask you one question that you must answer honest and directly for everyone to read


I will email your answers back after i post the questions on friday.... All i ask is you cannot share my answers to your questions with anyone else... and no address to mail me stuff questions or phone # type questions... *coughscarl ... and i won't ask you the same thing...

nothing where carl can stalk us.. with his pig cock..

I'll give you all until thursday midnight to get those questions in... so i can post them on friday...


And to give everyone a freebie... yes this is my favorite mexican MTV video..

Dude. Sorry for the drama but yeah..

I rode my bike to the beach today and drank no beer. I was kind of hungover. This dude came into the bar last night after winning $500.00 on a $10.00 scratch off and bought me like four shots of crown after I drank about ten Heineken's.

So when I got home I went to the package store to purchase a 12pack of Nattie light.

Upon returning home and cutting the front yard I was content. The grass is looking good and all of my plants are going apeshit with growth.(apeshit I love to smear it on my chest and stuff)

There are some neighbors of mine.

They have kids that are unsupervised. For instance, They are always in my yard dragging shit out from behind my shed like shovels and stuff and stressing me out. I was afraid for the longest time that they were going to burn my house down with lawnmower gas somehow.

Anyways.

All the neighbors have been complaining about them fucking off and stealing shit from their yards. Once they were in my yard playing hopscotch on some 12x12 tile that they had arranged from a stack left over from my renovation.

The kids are preschoolers. A boy and a girl about the same age, fourish. They walk around in the wintertime bare footed. That kind of kid..

Last summer I ran them out of my yard for stealing tomatoes out of my garden.

Their mom is single and works. She leaves them with a mentally retarded grandmother that has Alzheimer or something and is on oxygen.

The police have been called on the mom for said lack of supervision more than once to no effect.

I was talking to someone on the phone when I heard all the cop and ambulance rucus. I thought a house was on fire on my street so I got on my bicycle and rode to the end of my road.

What I saw was a UPS truck with a little pink bicycle under it and under the back passenger side tire was a crushed little girl..

The position of the bike was at the center of the UPS truck and it looked like she had hit it from that side.

Now it is all over and everyone is gone.

Tragic shit.

Keep an eye on your fucking kids dude.

This parent learned the hard way and I cannot even imagine what they are going through.

Dear Emma. Love, Shawn

EDIT: Thank you for that wonderful letter you posted Shawn. I have read your article on how to avoid being attracted to jerks, players, and just plain dangerously wrong guys.

And then I posted my response to it in pink below. Enjoy.

Dumbass.

“The "Secret Reason" Why Women Are Attracted To Jerks, Players and Just Plain Dangerously Wrong Guys.” (An open letter to single women frustrated with dating the wrong guys)

Monday, April 02, 2007

Hey Girlfriend,Can I ask you something personal?

Sure.

Be honest...Have you ever dated the type of guy that left you constantly waiting by the phone with an uneasy sick feeling in the pit of your stomach?

Yes, several. But I didn't date them all... I thought it was just a guy thing to forget what a phone was... or who you were... so no biggie. Isn't that genetics?

Or a guy who made you feel bad about yourself, but for some reason you couldn’t leave him? (Of course, that same guy, at times, also made you feel like you were the only person on this planet - you know, that “hot-cold” type).

Yes. That would be marriage... welcome to it.

And have you ever walked into a club and found yourself so attracted to one particular guy, you felt like you were in a trance and literally couldn't stop making eyes with him?

Yes. Because I knew I was going to get a chance to try to fuck him. I call it focus and knowing what I want.

If you answered yes to any of the above, it may be a sign that you’re susceptible to a certain “dangerous personality type” that psychiatrists have a SCARY sounding name for, which I'll tell you about in a sec...

ooooooooooo SCARY. I think her caps locks was stuck.

...But first, I want you to quickly read through the following list of personality traits and jot down the ones that apply to either the guy you’re dating now or guys you’ve typically dated in the past:

Oh, alright. I bet I could you could nail them right on the head... every one.

PERSONALITY TRAITS

1. SUPERFICIAL CHARM -- the tendency to be smooth, engaging, charming, and slick. Not in the least shy, self-conscious, or afraid to say anything. He never gets tongue-tied and has freed himself from the social conventions about taking turns in talking, for example.

So he's a word fuck champ and talks during sex. He can talk himself out of trouble... thats terrible. Sounds like something they call "charisma".

2. GRANDIOSE SELF-WORTH -- a grossly inflated view of one's abilities and self-worth, self-assured, opinionated, cocky, a braggart. An arrogant guy who believes he is a superior human being.

Hmmm arrogance is bliss, I like a good sparring sometimes.... Superiority complex... means room service and a great piece of arm candy.. No?

3. NEED FOR STIMULATION (PRONENESS TO BOREDOM) -- an excessive need for novel, thrilling, and exciting stimulation; taking chances and doing things that are risky. Often has low self-discipline in carrying tasks through to completion because he gets bored easily.

Adventure driven thrill seeker seeks partner in crime that doesn't live to dream but dreams to live because everybody else is a pussy and doesn't want to go to jail.

So I need a librarian instead... that likes sitcoms.

4. PATHOLOGICAL LYING -- can be moderate or high; in moderate form, and will be shrewd, crafty, cunning, sly, and clever (in extreme form, he will be deceptive, deceitful, underhanded, unscrupulous, manipulative, and dishonest).

See, all of those descriptives made my nipples hard. Really, are we playing dream date? Pathological liars are the ones that don't fuck up... or do.. and you'd never guess.

5. CONNING AND MANIPULATIVENESS -- the use of deceit and deception to cheat, con, or defraud others for personal gain; distinguished from Item #4 in the degree to which exploitation and callous ruthlessness is present, as reflected in a lack of concern for the feelings and suffering of one's victims.

Well okay... Uh. So that cuts out a good 92% of men. Which leaves babies and mancubs. And Librarians.

6. LACK OF REMORSE OR GUILT -- a lack of feelings or concern for the losses, pain, and suffering of victims; a tendency to be unconcerned, dispassionate, coldhearted, and unempathic. This item is usually demonstrated by a disdain for one's victims.

Good. Then when we're dumping the body I'll know his priority is to ditch the car and head for the border... And he'll never talk about it... ever.

7. SHALLOW AFFECT -- emotional poverty or a limited range or depth of feelings; interpersonal coldness in spite of signs of open gregariousness.

Good. No attachment issue. Friends with benefits and good partners that don't get distracted with idle relationship bullshit. Perfect. I'm down that road already, just looking for a ride.

8. CALLOUSNESS and LACK OF EMPATHY -- a lack of feelings toward people in general; cold, contemptuous, inconsiderate, and tactless.

*see lack of remorse or guilt

9. PARASITIC LIFESTYLE -- an intentional, manipulative, selfish, and exploitative financial dependence on others as reflected in a lack of motivation, low self-discipline, and inability to begin or complete responsibilities.

What are responsibilities? I don't understand the definition. And if this were something that us girls were supposed to look out for then... We shouldn't be talking to any of you.

10. POOR BEHAVIORAL CONTROLS -- expressions of irritability, annoyance, impatience, threats, aggression, and verbal abuse; inadequate control of anger and temper; acting hastily.

I love tourettes. And I love epilepsy. Combine the two and you have one hell of a night between the sheets. If he can spank and let me get my 20 minutes on top I could care if he has a spaz attach and calls me spook.... Moving on.

11. PROMISCUOUS SEXUAL BEHAVIOR -- a variety of brief, superficial relations, numerous affairs, and an indiscriminate selection of sexual partners; the maintenance of several relationships at the same time; a history of attempts to sexually coerce others into sexual activity or taking great pride at discussing sexual exploits or conquests.

So I should be a hypocrite? Now Now... It's every man for himself and we're all animals by nature so as long as we play well with others... Does anybody else see #11 as a tremendous asset but me?

12. LACK OF REALISTIC, LONG-TERM GOALS -- an inability or persistent failure to develop and execute long-term plans and goals; a nomadic existence, aimless, lacking direction in life.

Carpe Diem... Living for the moment. If you have aim, you have bills. Direction is boring.. It's the not knowing that makes the journey memorable and a challenge.

13. IMPULSIVITY -- the occurrence of behaviors that are unpremeditated and lack reflection or planning; inability to resist temptation, frustrations, and urges; a lack of deliberation without considering the consequences; foolhardy, rash, unpredictable, erratic, and reckless.

Again. Carpe Diem. Spontaneous sex is the best sex ever. EVER. And can I just say that if I were to poo-poo any of this so far... I'd be one lonely bitch.

14. IRRESPONSIBILITY -- repeated failure to fulfill or honor obligations and commitments; such as not paying bills, defaulting on loans, performing sloppy work, being absent or late to work, failing to honor contractual agreements.

I like sloppy. Not big on commitments. If we're nomads we don't have loans. If we're reckless we don't have work or bills or contracts. If we're heartless we're just going to kill the bastards anyway so what's the big deal? And besides, he's busy being impulsive and heartless. And I think we covered responsibility a few numbers back. This bitch can talk!

15. FAILURE TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR OWN ACTIONS -- a failure to accept responsibility for one's actions reflected in low conscientiousness, an absence of dutifulness, antagonistic manipulation, denial of responsibility, and an effort to manipulate others through this denial.

Covered this already.
16. MANY SHORT-TERM RELATIONSHIPS -- a lack of commitment to a long-term relationship reflected in inconsistent, undependable, and unreliable commitments in life, including marital.

Covered this already.

17. JUVENILE DELINQUENCY -- behavior problems between the ages of 13-18; mostly behaviors that are crimes or clearly involve aspects of antagonism, exploitation, aggression, manipulation, or a callous, ruthless tough-mindedness.

Yes. I love it. Gimme a man with a record for congecal visits... you fuckers ever had one of those? It's extra special if you can pass him his care package in the exchange. I can teach you how to do that for $29.99.

18. CRIMINAL VERSATILITY -- A diversity of types of criminal offenses (regardless if the person has been arrested or convicted for them); taking great pride at getting away with crimes.

Some of the best men I've ever known have had #18 with or without the record. They have doctorates and PHd's and are some smart and successful mother fuckers. I like to call Criminal versatility .... "survival".

Do any of these personality traits describe someone you've dated or are dating? If you answered yes, then you may be as surprised as I was to learn that all 18 traits are actually “clinical traits” of a sociopath (Source: Psychopathy Checklist-Revised, PCL-R; Hare,1991, 2003)...

Well there's a shocker. I've been told I'm a sociopath... but I normally have to pay them $400 an hour to tell me that. This fine lady told me for free. Gotta love the internet.

and IF you’ve dated guys with these traits, chances are YOU are attracted to or involved with a SOCIOPATH... yikes!

YIKES!

Now before you freak out too much… I want you to know that you're not alone!

Oh good. I hope there's a support group with slumber party nights.

I too was attracted to these kinds of guys (no wonder my relationships always brought me heartache and pain!)…Turns out there's a BIG difference between a "normal" guy you might date and a sociopath (a sociopath actually has something wrong with their conscience - they either don't have one or it’s severely fragmented).

blah

Sociopaths only care about fulfilling their own needs and desires - selfishness and egocentricity to the extreme. Everything and everybody else is mentally twisted around in their minds as objects to be used in fulfilling their own needs and desires.

blah blah

Not surprisingly, parental failure (usually fatherlessness) is the #1 reason why someone develops a sociopathic personality.Also interesting are the four distinct types of sociopaths (sound like anyone you've dated?):

1) Commons are characterized by their lack of conscience

2) Alienated are characterized by their inability to love or be loved

3) Aggressives are characterized by a consistent sadistic streak
4) Dyssocials are characterized by an inability to abide by normal rules

blah blah blah

I know, I know... I was shocked the first time I read these too.

Really.

Okay, now getting back to MY story...

OH yes please...somebody kill me.


It used to be that when I went out, I'd often find myself attracted to one particular guy (and not necessarily the best looking one in the room) where all we had to do was make eye contact and it was INSTANT SPARKS… almost like some invisible ----

Cut the crap. Yes please.

I emailed a nice letter to kiki@TakeBackYourHeart.com and sent her a link to this blog so she could see my response. Kiki I am sorry I cut out 75% of your nice article but my eyes were bleeding and I became jealous that you've continually gotten dumped by men I should be fucking.

Please send my number along. thank you.

Welcome to Chimpland.... ode to shane

You know after catching up on everyone's comments.... i have to agree with them... well most of them... like when

Tumbleweed said...

I think we all have issues! Bo screws animals....Shawn and I can't find anyone past puberty and Scum....well we know about the pacifier incident.

or when...

Editor Shawn said...

Only if you have a feedbag for weed.

Everything Nice said...

I have a garbage bag... perhaps it could work the same

scumbag said...

yeah yeah i know all about that shit, but she brought the last part on herself. hate to sound like a dick (which isn't at all unusual) but with this group she should known better. and i was mostly fucking with johnny........

Helskel said...

johnny's got spy-tech

damn you.... can't you keep secerts

scumbag said...

emma is one road raging bitch!

you should see her drive in Texas

Editor Shawn said...

you know, huneeb, you've been a little bit sensitive lately?

You wouldn't happen to be "starting" would you?

Cause you've been a real bitch.

well i don't know about that one... its borderline... i'm willing to give the benefit of the doubt on that one..

HuneeB said...

haha who else am I fucking? H if that is true I have a huge brain!

Also Johnny wants me to metion that I have the skills to pay the billz

true also... huge brain.. and when i mean skillz.. i mean see knows how to seperate the cans from the meat


but when i see comment that just makes no sense what i have to quesition it.. yes shane i'm talking about you.... and no .. i'm talking about why you get offended when a liquor store is mentioned...

Everything Nice said...

Scumbag - I thought that was at the liquor store.

scumbag said...

fuck you.

Editor Shawn said...

Yeah, cause you don't multitask well huh E?

I don't get the liqour store thing.

I don't either shawn... and here i thought you were shane's new boo.... what really hit me came from shane.... no .. no.. not his paranoia of me and EN... no ..no ..no not his professed love of shawn... it was this....

scumbag said...

johnny use to be cool. then he started being a prick. which is different from me because i've always been a prick.

et tu ceaser?.... i find a role model to mold myself after.. a leader.. the man who could have been president 2008...

you brought me into the Wedding Party.. my only family.. in which you kicked me out 6x... yet i returned.... and then eventually you erase it from existance.... why must you cast be from wedding party heaven like i was lucis ferre.. i was only bringing light

.. i was your right hand man in survivor ... those retarded pussies didn't even stand a chance.. i mean shit.. they had a dead guy, a jew, and a leader with a lobster claw hand... i would have carried us to the final.. but you killed it..

you ran for president... i did your campaigning... i defended you againist some of your arch enimies.. monkey, calzone, jamwall, and jiggs... accusations of you cheating on your wife with my asian hand.. hanging out with david hasslehoff.. ... i put you 1in from Vida Gurrero's ass... and how do you repay me... by firing me...

and now i return... trying to make you proud the best way possible.. by being a prick.. but i can see its just not enough for you... i can't let you lie to everyone anymore about us.... but i'm not going to call you out yet... i'm going to give everyone a taste and give you a chance to come clean while everyone ask you about it.....

a taste.. where do you think shane got his inspiration for profile pics... texas twisters?... or does this look familar?

memory coming back shane... remember you wanted me to make as round as possible... as asian as i could be.. and tape my eyes back.. how did that conversation go..


menace: "yo"
shane: "what's crackin ho"
menace: "nuthin.. wat up with you"
shane: "nuthin.. i just wanted to say thanks for that picture last night.. and thanks for putting that vasoline on your eyes.. it helped me dream that you couldn't open your eyes and they stuck in that perfect slanted way"
menace: "ahhh... you dreamt abou...
shane: "sshhhhhh ... just let me here you breathe"
menace: "what ever you need shane"
shane: "can you read the Pei Wei menu to me before i go to sleep"
also one other quick note for everyone

scumbag said...

the cure sucks.

if that's true...then why did you change your ring tone for when i send you pictures to the Cure's "Pictures of You".. now....

Me said...

Who is going to make the "fuck menace" post?

because i know who its not going to be....