Photography

I was hired to take a photo of some people having sex and here it is.

I only got one and hope you like it.

Question of the Day...

hope all you retards had a nice weekend. here is a question for you to ponder...

at what age do you think the penis stops growing?!?!?

A) ages 0-5
B) ages 6-10
C) ages 11-15
D) none of the above

i don't know the answer and was curious as to what you might think.


ps- the count down to SpacklerFest in Emma's pants, uh, i mean Seattle is only 3 days!

I had a bad dream

i was riding a rocking horse and snorting coke with my dead friend Jay when all of the sudden God came up and told me that Jay's diaper needed to be changed.

so I said...

God, I don't do diapers anymore, all my boys are grown up.

So God said I needed a good finger-banging and to take off my vinyl lederhosen so he could eat me out.

So as I'm trying to remove my lederhosen Johnny Menace rides in on a Harry Potter toy broom with a pair of scissors... and cuts my lederhosen.

Jay starts to cry.

Out of nowhere Bostick shows up with a scrawny orange tabby cat and offers it to Jay who starts to lick it's asshole. Bostick gets mad and punches Johnny in the face who then tears open Bosticks shirt and cuts his left nipple off.

Bostick bleeds..... God starts eating me out.

The three boys start playing battleship and who knows what else is going on in the back ground, but it sounds like fingernails on a chalk board and the type of sound you get when you stick a salad tong in a bowl of pasta... anyway....

After God is finished, he gets up and wipes his chin, only he looks upset at something underneath his robe. I, of course, think it's because Jay needs a diaper change so I get up to hand Bostick a turkey baster and a Sunday Newspaper... But Bostick screams and turns his head in horror instead...

Carl is under Gods robe and Carl has vampire teeth and wants to give Bostick a Hot Carl because his bloody nipples are really a turn on. But God wants Carl to finish the rim job.

I sit down with Johnny Menace and we snort mass quanities of Jay's coke through one of those foot-long pixie stix straws while Jay chases God who is chasing Carl who is chasing Bostick who is chasing the tabby cat because he lost his class ring up it's asshole.

Then they all throw down and start coloring on each others taints in magic marker.

So, Johnny and I asked... "wow, that's a hell of an act, what do you call it?"

God looks up from his purple scented magic marker and says... "The Aristocrats"

Help Emma.. Dating advice

Well you guys did SO well with helping Carl out, I thought I would go ahead and see if you could give me some direction on my current dating issue. I hope you all realize that my "dating" is a little more challenging than Carls.... So please try and keep up.

Three weeks or so ago I ran into an old friend. He was the best friend of the guy I was dating my Senior year of High School - for today's purposes we'll call him "Jacob".

We hit it off... old sparks and feelings and all that... we decided to meet for drinks. He had just changed places of employment and was short on change so I offered to pay ($46 bar tab).

We agree to go out that weekend, Friday night. Okay, Friday nights are normally on fire for me anyway and we were both strapped for time and frugality on the way to the club... So I bought dinner ($12) on the way to go up and buy the drugs ($180). I shared my cigarettes (avg. abt $10), AND I drove ($28) as fast as I could to get him to the booth on time. I did NOT have to pay for drinks or cover cause I was with the DJ. We had a fantastic time until Saturday morning... One of the best evenings I'd had in awhile in fact and we hit it off really well. Well enough for us to want to see each other again very soon.

EDIT: I also bought condoms for just in case ($9)....

He says he wants to take me to dinner and a movie. Ok. Tuesday, great. Meanwhile, he gets terribly sick so I bring him soup, oranges, chewing gum, and Powerade ($31) on Sunday - tuck him in and "See you Tuesday!"

Tuesday he stood me up at the movie theater and texted me to say he'd explain later. Thurdsay afternoon he finally texts me to tell me he's found a great girl and blah blah blah.... So, ok. I wished him the best of luck and told him not to be a douche, he could have told me.

I hadn't seen or heard from him since... until last night when he sent me a text about finding my ring at his house.

So I go over there to get it... and.... and... he hands me the ring and apologizes for standing me up. He then tells me I look great and he was an asshole and he's glad I came over.

Then, apparently, this thing with this girl didn't work out for him. He realized when he "dumped" me that he'd made a bad decision. Because of that, he broke it off with the girl and REALLY wants to do dinner and a movie with me now - and he missed me.

And when it was time to go he asked me what I was doing tonight (friday).... and then we hugged and he wouldn't let go for a few moments... and then the fucker kissed me on my cheek.


So...

Do I go out tonight? Do I give the guy a second chance? Do I just appreciate the fact that he could bolt at any time (which actually works for me) and set myself up for that again? Do I not go out with him and save myself another how many hundreds of dollars?

And can somebody add up how much I fucking spent that weekend please for chrissakes?

Help. Please. Thanks!

ps - Carl you pig fucker you better be ready for me..... A week from now your ass is mine... and don't think I don't have connections... :) heh.

Tao for Carl..... bang that pilot

Carl.. now we all want to save you from the friend zone you have fallen into.... you're obsessed with asians and japanamation .. so what better way to approach this for you to understand than using Tao philosophy

1. Eliminate your desires.
2. Do something excellent in her presence, thereby proving your sexual worthiness.
3. Retreat, for as Heidegger said, "We pursue that which retreats from us".

Ok eliminate your desire... don't think about getting laid.. that pilot probably smelled the eagerness on you which is why she told you about working in the morning.. women can sniff out agenda.. you need to eliminate your desire to get laid in order to get laid.. ....ever tell a girl she can't join a club with you..... what does she do.... ask you 100 questions and find out everything and every possible way to join that club... because its unattainable


proving your sexual worthiness... well shit carl... i don't know .... what are you good at...


You went to the bar and met up with her friends because you were in pursuit... but in doing that you showed her that she didn't have to do much to pursue you... in fact she knows she doesn't have to do anything..... Come on carl.. this pilot bitch wants to feel like she caught a lion or bear... make her hunt.... why is she going to pick up your sad puppy dog ass as a charity case... Tattoo this on your dick so you don't forget "Seguimos el que se retira de nosotros"

anyone else with some advice for Carl... feel free to tact on..

Sexy hos at the beach

I took a walk on the beach earlier and was able to snap a few photos of some hot bitches laying out in the sun.

Date Recap...

my dick is so sore right now. just kidding. as expected there was no action. overall i would say it went well. here are some tidbits...

- she is a fucking pilot! can you believe that shit. i've hooked up with a flight attendant before (atleast she said she was) but never a pilot. as a matter of fact, she is preparing for a test that will promote her to captain which apparently is a big deal.
- she was home schooled
- she graduated college in 3 years
- she owns 3 houses
- she looked hot lastnight (as did i)
- dinner went well. great conversation. afterwards she invited me to go with her to a bar where some of her friends were. she's got some cool friends.
- it turns out we actually know alot of the same people.
- she is a cool chick but there is something a little strange about her but not in a freaky way
- no idea if she is into anal
- i'd hang out with her again.

discuss amongst yourselves....

I have a date tonight...

i'm pretty stoked!

i'm definitely going to jerk off beforehand. normally i would trim my pubes but i took care of that this past weekend. do you guys have any other suggestions to help ensure i have a fantastic time this evening?

:) happy saturday !

Uncle Fucker - Southpark

Add to My Profile | More Videos

I was playing with some food and got a little carried away

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.

Don't get too drunk!

Emma's Webcam....... on the voting block

If you can remember back to the Wedding Party days... then you have heard of EN's webcam...

EN has been kind enough to let us vote on whether or not see will up it back up... all you need to do is vote Yes or No... in the comments now before we vote i need to make some cases for the yeahs and the nehs.... First the Cons

Cons of EN webcam

1. Shawn would get an aneurysm
2. Bostick would jack himself blind
3. Murshy would criticize on why she wore underwear that day to the point where he would have to make himself a mojito to calm down
4. Valyna would jack herself blind
5 EN possibly could get fired again
6. and a lot of puppies could die in between..
7. Karl runs out of fingers for his ass


Pros
1. Shawn would get an aneurysm
2. Bostick would go blind
3. Murshy would criticize on why she wore underwear that day to the point where he would have to make himself a mojito to calm down
4. Valyna would jack herself blind
5 EN possibly could get fired again
6. and a lot of puppies could die in between..
7. Karl runs out of fingers for his ass


...............Well... ...........shit... there really isn't a difference............... Oh..... and there's also the fact you could get a shot like this.....
















now everyone cast your vote.......

Menacing advice........ violated and rejected

Hello Johnny Menace (johnny_menace)

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Question: help me meet criss angel?

Your Answer: commit suicide... maybe you'll see him in hell?

Deleted Answer: commit suicide... maybe you'll see him in hell?

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Deep Thoughts With Carl...

sometimes life kicks you in the balls and you get frustrated and depressed.... and all you want to do is get an 8-ball, some E bombs, a pizza and a case of beer and then lock yourself in a room for a weekend so you can try and make it go away. its times like this when i have to remind myself of a quote from J.R. Ewing from the legendary show Dallas. he once said "Don't ever let those bastards get you down." there is a lot of truth in that statement.

the humidty has been so bad here on the east coast that i have gotten sweat rings under my arms even when i'm inside!?!? WTF... i've put on copious amounts of powder and deodorant.

my trip to seattle can't come soon enough...

:(

I think you guys might like this...

especially if you like seeing illegal immigrants being made fun of...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fVWhJ_047c

Happy Friday Homo's!

So, I was sitting here thinking.

I got laid every way to Tuesday last night and I tell ya - the afterglow is fucking phenomenal. Even better? The dinner we cooked together (which was top-fucking-notch), and the two bottles of wine, and conversation just before we tore each others clothes off delved into how much of a 'top' he is and always needs to have control..... and, well...

ok

anybody that knows me...

knows that... well.... ok I really can't just NOT.....


Anyway, so I'm sitting here thinking about the fact that it's Friday the 13th and everybody will be on edge about shit. Further, everybody knows that people get a little silly on this day about superstitions and what not.

So you already know you're going to hear "Oh, it's Friday the 13th" all fucking day... and you'll want to stick electrodes in your ear canals and stand in a puddle of piss and water by the end of the day because of it...

so... because I am in such a fanfucktingastic mood. Because I was given too so much that I want to give to others... I am going to share a piece of last Sundays photo shoot that were taken for an advertisement in a local alternative paper (for a local leathersmith)....

That and, I'm an attention whore.


Happy Friday the 13th... Now go cuff it.

Random Thoughts With Carl...

i thought i would share some stuff that i have been thinking about lately...

- a desire to have sex with a post-menapausal woman
- i'm currently watching a Dateline NBC interview from 1994 with Jeffrey Dahmer. is it weird that i am fascinated with serial killers?
- aside from seeing the 7 wonders of the world...i would also like to snort an 8-ball and go on the Price is Right. i get a hard-on just thinking about Plinko.
- i might be heading down to Atlanta next week for a job interview. would that be weird if Bostick and i were in the same state?
- who the fuck is Mesh?
- i think i'm getting bored of masturbation...is it time to get a toy and spice things up?
- i'm definitely going to trim my pubes before heading to seattle.

discuss amongst yourselves...

Wet pussy

Can somebody tell me...

Is Monster Girl still waiting on my peanut butter and fisting?

Because I'd like my questions answered before I continue my "I want to be a celebrity blogger" series.

Thanks!

Fat hos like to sit on me.

That is me in the first video and these fat bitches make pre-cum drip out of the tip of my cock.

Bostick,

Kelly wanted to be sure you got this message.

kelly ripafart said...

hey bostick! look what your "friend" carrie said about you:

for one thing? i do not like bostick i think he is a lying backstabber and insane. i don't trust him as far as i can throw him. i don't trust his friends, either. they are all wackos.
carrie | Homepage | 07.04.07 - 9:12 pm | #

Love you homo,

Shawn

PS - Kelly call me! I'll still fuck you even when they flare like that!

Let's learn about Sea Hags!

Let's play a fun game called "let's put a face to a name!!!" We'll start with the term "sea hag".

Here is the term defined:

Sea Hag - Sea hags are fully aquatic, with an appearance so horrific that it saps the strength out of living creatures. The sea hag is also able to use her "evil eye" to kill or daze victims. They have been known to come ashore in order to seek out young drunk boys for their prey, who often have a huge feeling of shame and regret in the morning.


A sea hag looks like this:


Now I will leave it up to you to decide which lucky bachlorette looks more like a sea hag. Really, it's your call....

Bachelorette #1: (defined). Domestic but not pinned down. Successful. Determined. Worked for everything she's ever had. Committed to her lovers. Loyal and over abundantly cared for in her own circle of friends who she is sure to keep contact with at will. Not too many, not too little. Innocent eyes and creatively kind to the point that nobody regrets spending time with her.


Short, round face. button nose. tiny forehead. quirky smile. She looks more like a midget.

Or Bachelorette #2. (defined) Silver spoon fed evil eye cock-blocker that had 4800 friends on her myspace so I doubt she sends Christmas cards. After reading her blog (and I got bored at least 15 times with that) I was able to establish that she's more concerned about losing weight then she is about the 10,000 fans. Unless of course she's bashing you for being like her... intentionally or not. Is she committed? no. Not to a person but I think I have a 'ward' that would love to put her back on Zoloft.



Long face. long pointy nose, large spacious forehead you could land your cock on. And if she mentions her friends its a fucking stretch. Can somebody tell me why this bitch doesn't smile? My vote is for #2 but we're all different of course.


So, alright, Sea Hag. .... It's your call.

Mooke pookie doo

Now that the Handicappers are involved in this drama I must say...

I hope they packed a lunch.

And now for some public service announcements.

Raymi The Minx

OK y'all(I say y'all because I am from south Georgia and still live here) Raymi is my friend, my dog. However, recently she has said things to me that are not only concerning but also hurtful.

She called me a doof, told me that she was 'above' me, blamed me for being her comment hater(not me fag), an asshole, fuck you,jerk and called me bananas.

I am not bananas I am BOSTICK!

Why all this drama girl?

I thought we were friends dude.

We need to talk..

call me.

Okay so I've been a bit bored as of late, and frankly a little depressed. Ever since I took my blog down there's been a plethora of Celebrity Bloggers popping up. So I am left to wonder... Why did I take the Bubblegum Meltdown blog down?

I could have been somebody, I could have been a contender.

I'm a little jealous and quite frankly put out that they didn't have these "awards" and "titles" when I was blogging. Perhaps they were there but I simply wasn't paying attention.... I was busy masturbating no doubt.

So. I am going to try to get back in the swing of things. I am going to try a "come back." I mean, hell it worked for Flava Flave, Bobby Brown, even Mariah Cary. Hey, didn't George Hamilton have a come back too?

Fuck who knows. Okay. So after careful studying of a good handful of "celebrity bloggers" I have been able to establish a "format" that i think will work for me. I have copied this format and hope that it will toss me haphazardly into Celebrity Blogger status... and then I will get your votes.

ABOUT ME

Here is me in my studio. I do all of my best work here. Often times, things get messy and I have to clean it up but as you can see, today it's just moderately dirty. You should have seen it last week, if you vote for me and maybe do a little ass kissing... I'll show you those pictures.

FRIENDS & CELEB FRIENDS

Every celebrity blogger has a picture of them with some wayward quasi-star I have never heard of... or a plethora of friends that nobody really gives two shits about.... that they feel they have to tell the world about for some reason.

So I am going to post mine.

Here is a picture of my good Jew friend, Jon Stewart, and his upside down and backwards hairy man nipple.
(He's jewish so he doesn't really tan).

This picture was snapped at Gary Colemans coming out party. It was silly. I got so drunk I puked in Jessica Simpsons make-up bag. I blamed it on Nicki Hilton and asked Mike Rowe to clean it up for me.

Here is another good friend of mine, Dirty Sanchez. He doesn't say much. Feel free to stop by and say hello.... What a lucky stiff... look at that view of the sani-can.

Another good friend of mine, and her ass. I think this is a good celebrity shot. She is the Brittney Spears to my Paris Hilton (only sans beaver shot). I get to spank it sometimes.

MY STUFF IS SO FUCKING COOL

Celebrity bloggers also get to post their paintings and works of art on their blogsites and people buy the shit or compliment them even when it sucks. So i expect ass-kissing compliments or I will make my blog private and not invite you.

This is a painting I did for charity. I think it's one of my best. I will take bids on it starting at $1.50 US currency only please.

I don't want to hear about how the color scheme is off. I meant to do that you fucking faggots.


Here are the contents of my refrigerator.... Notice the celebrity-type food items? Yes, I try and keep my ice box packed with the best of the best in haute cuisine... The Perrier is in the back even though people tell me that's passe'. If it's so passe' then why did you pass up my IPA for the shit?


And that's really fatty whole milk because I don't fuck around with my dairy products. I don't eat tofu... I am a carnivore that cannot live without red meat in one of my crevices at least ONCE a week. And that could potentially make me larger than life.

ME AGAIN

Here's another picture of me because I find celebrity bloggers to be narcissitic bitches that enjoy looking at themselves or showing off their underwear.

I am naked under that and I have the hottest body ever. You know you wish you could see it but you can't. All you've got is this picture to let your mind imagine how good it could be for your hands to run over my tight curves, soft supple body...

Smooth legs....
Unkept hair....
Cleanly shaven pubic regions.

Come and get it fuckers...

MORE OF MY STUFF

These next two pictures are random artistic shots that I find celebrity bloggers depend on so their friends and readers will ask good questions that will prompt another post and keep them interested. Normally, I rely on wit and suspense when I write but apparently that's not what gets your vote so I'm going for this angle:

This is a shot of my bathroom shelf. If you can name all the items verbatim I might send one of these to you autographed and used.

The tongs I use to circumsize small children and animals. And the bowl next to it is celebrity style trail mix tainted with ludes so they'll stay still until I'm finished.

This is my bass guitar. I play it often. When I need to wax the strings I rub the neck between my legs until they get nice and slippery. It's the only way I can do a true mechanical slide with a piece of equipment...

And here is my back scratcher that doubles as a spanking tool. I posed with it so you can see how sexy it makes me look. That's celebrity-type hotness you fags. Bow down.

All of the things above are for sale on my "Yard Sale" blog called "Everybody thinks my shit is cool but it's all crap really." Be sure to check it out. You may have to pay postage until I get cool enough to afford sending overseas.

MY TITS

So whats the common denominator for being a celebrity blogger. Well apparently it's tits. That's right. All kinds of tits. Big tits, little tits, round tits, flat tits. Yep. In fact, if you don't snap at least ONE picture of your boobs and publish it, there's no way anybody will even visit your blog!


I bet you didn't know that?
Well, it took a lot of research and shitty drama type comments to pick through before I decided that I should absolutely go ahead an thwart shyness and show my "Boys" so I can make the grade.


My ultimate goal is that somebody will put a shitty comment up here about how terrible and old they look so we can have some really great blog drama like the celebrities do!!!

Soon.... the 2nd is always easier